Today, I found an old floppy disk with all of my old stories and journal entries that I wrote in the computer lab while attending Our Lady of Lourdes for nine years. If my brain doesn't make sense now, it sure as hell didn't back then. My parents and teachers should have known then that I wasn't going to turn out quite normal. Sorry for no lj-cut, the formatting of the documents made it difficult. And, I wish I still had that hat...
Delusions of a Little Boy
And
so it all started. Age 6.
april 25,may 24, 1991 matthew
wunts ther wus a muse hol and the mouse wus hungre so he went to
the
rfijradr he opind it he tooc the ches he a
Little did I know then that this "good" teacher would go
on to give me a "D" in handwriting. What a bitch.
Matthew. Dec. 2, 1991.
THE TALE OF MRS FELIZ
Mrs Feliz is a good teacher. She is nice. She teachis a lot of great
stuf.
Mrs Feliz is the best teacher in the howl whide yoonevirs! She is
so so so
so so so so so so so so so so smart!Nice talkean to you.Bye.
THE END
For some reason, a lawyer then, a lawyer now, I felt a need
to show wolf's side of the story.
Matthew March. 3/3/92
THE REAL
STORY OF THE THREE LITTLE PIGS
"The real story of the three little pigs
goes like this' said the
wolf. I was geting a computer for old old gramps. But I diden't
have
a batery! So I went to my naibers house, but this was a pig you
no.
This pig made his house out of leaves. Who would make a house out
of
leaves?! I pushed his stick that was a door bell. And I pushed it
to
hord and the house fell down, and ther was a ther layng deadm, so
I
ate him. Yumy!!!! I went to the next naibers house
To this day, I have no clue who Chris Arby is, and why I
wanted his name that day.
By Matthew Delja Publsh by Matthew Delja Feb. 27, 1992
CHANGE YOUR NAME
" Hi my name is Matthew Delj'a." But im'going
to change my name to
Chris' Arby." But my hat says Matthew'!!! Matthew oops I mean Chris
riped
the name Matthew off of his hat and put Chris on his hat. In school
he
wrote Chris Arby on his papers. Matthew your name isent Chris arby.
I changed it to chris Arby. End then every one new to call him
Chris Arby but exseped his sister.
THE END
Even as a child, I was cynical.
By: Matthew 4/6,7,8/92
The Man Who New Everything
--------------------------
There was a man who everything, and people
would go to him, and would
asc what would happen, to them. And animals went to him also. And
a dog said
"Whens my BarthDay, then?" "April. 17, 1981." No, my BarthDay is
on Oct.
18, 1910!!" said the dog. Then the goat said, "When did I get Baptize?"
Nov. 1, 1812". "No, its Jan. 1, 1012!!!" Then everyone figered out
he
diden't no enything!! Extra!! Extra!! Man who dosen't no enything!!
The Man
who diden't no enything diden't no what the people were ascing him!!
I hope you aleast somethings!!
THE END
Jan.
12, 13, 1992. Matthew
THE MONEY TREE
There was a
money tree. People shoock
it, so money
would come
down, and we would
take the money.
I got a
$100000000000000000000000000000000000000
The next
day I got $200000000000000000000000000!
Im' rich!
Im' rich! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I
am happy!! goody! goody! Im'
going to bye
hay.
This is fake money! Aaa!
Im' going to
chop this tree down.
THE END
The woes of elementary school.
Matthew March. 9, 1992
"WHAT A PROBLEM!"
"It was all the good kids, verse the bad
kids, in kickball"!! "They had
Fabrizio, Ricman, Nicholis, and even Coach John"!! "Coach John kiked
the
balls out to the church, the cones, and the first Gradse benches"!!
"The
holl Bonus: is that ther is a proplem"!! "So im' going to tell sister
Morey"!!!!!! "And I have another problem,
At
times, I just flat out didn't make sense.
Matthew Mar. 12, 1992.
THE ELIPHANT FAMILY
The eliphant family was eating like a eliphant hog!!!! The family
was
thinking to have a baby. But they wher big alredy. Mrs. Elphant
was going to
take a diat, so they can have a baby. "What if ther was very little
tiny
eliphants in these peanuts". "I don't think so". "Yaaaa"!!!!!! Lets
go see
grampa in the Zoojail. But it cost money to get in. Then lets stop
are diet,
and eat peanuts, for the rest of the day.
And
finally, a letter to Ian "Buddy" Taylor. I think this best illustrates
my nerdy middle school days when I was consumed with Star Wars and
anything with space. What I'm not including in this collection are
my endless UFO and government conspiracy stories that I wrote. Perhaps
some other time when more people can recognize the presence of other
forms of life in our universe.
Dear Buddy,
I went to Pluto the other day, it was very
fun. I met aliens and
everything. They took me on a UFO ride. Later that day
they took me to the
Death Star. I met Darth Vator, the Stormtroopers, (I'm lucky
they didn't
kill me) and the Emperor! They found out that I was a good
person so they
tried to kill me. Luckily I got in a Tie-Fighter and flew
away to the
planet Crypton I met Superman. (he was only a baby) When the planet
was
about to blow up I got in the Tie-Fighter and flew away just in
time. I had
a great time.
From
the back of my first published story about Mr. Franklin, The
Scary Forest, from 1st grade:
Meet the Author
Meet Matthew Delja. His first book is THE
SCARY FOREST. He enjoys
typing books. He likes to read adventure books and he types
adventure
books. He goes to Our Lady of Lourdes School and he is in
the second grade.
He likes to play sports like basketball, baseball, kickball,
dodgeball, and
capture the flag. Matthew gets good grades. His favorite
subject is
Religion.
THE END
